Why White and Red Grapes Need Therapy (Apparently)
What if your favorite wine grape walked into therapy?
Not as a metaphor. Not as a tasting note.
But literally sat down, legs dangling, face flushed, emotionally raw?
That’s exactly what these comic panels imagine —
because sometimes being a grape is… a lot.
The Comic Series That Lets Grapes Talk Back
Forget tannins and terroir for a second.
This isn’t about “bold structure” or “minerality.”
This is about Riesling just wanting everyone to like her.
About Pinot Noir crumbling under vintage pressure.
About Malbec learning to trust after growing up in Mendoza’s wild heart.
In this wildly relatable comic strip (created by SOMM DIGI), we sent classic wine grapes to therapy — and let them unpack what we always suspected:
Red or white, they’ve been through it.
Meet the Grapes With the Most Emotional Baggage
Pinot Grigio – The People Pleaser
Origin: Italy (mutation of Pinot Noir from France)
Popular Regions: Veneto, Friuli-Venezia Giulia, Alto Adige; also California, Australia
Style: Light, crisp, citrusy — the "easy yes" on any wine list
💭 Therapy moment: “Why do you feel like you have to be so light all the time?”
She’s the Aperol hour girl. The chill playlist. The “I’m fine” friend. But deep down? She's tired of being the safe bet.
The moment she shows a little richness or weight, someone says, “Oh, that’s more like Pinot Gris.”
And that’s the sting.
Because Pinot Gris — especially from Alsace — is made off-dry, lush, and layered. Same grape. Different treatment. Pinot Gris gets to be golden, honeyed, and serious.
Pinot Grigio? She’s expected to stay chill, light, and uncomplicated.
It’s not that she can’t go deeper.
It’s just that no one ever asks her to.
Riesling – The Shape-Shifter
Origin: Germany
Popular Regions: Mosel, Rheingau (Germany); Alsace (France); Clare & Eden Valley (Australia); Finger Lakes (New York)
Style: High-acid white with styles ranging from bone-dry to lusciously sweet, often intensely aromatic with notes of lime, jasmine, or petrol
💭 Therapy moment: “I just want everyone to like me.”
Riesling is that friend who can do it all — and does. Sweet or dry. Sparkling or still. She’s mastered it. She’s studied. She’s curated. But behind the versatility? A quiet ache.
Because people think they know her. They see “Riesling” and assume “sweet.” They hear “aromatic” and call her complicated.
She doesn’t know how to say no. She just wants to be liked. So she adapts — to your palate, your mood, your meal. And yes, she’s brilliant at it. But sometimes she wonders: what would she taste like if she wasn’t always adjusting?
She’s not just sweetness or acid. She’s not just German precision or Aussie zest. She’s a whole spectrum — and she’s tired of being reduced to the sweetest sip on the table.
Sauvignon Blanc – The Overfunctioner
Origin: France
Popular Regions: Loire Valley (Sancerre, Pouilly-Fumé); Marlborough (New Zealand); Napa Valley (USA); Chile
Style: Zesty, herbaceous white with high acidity and notes of lime, grass, and gooseberry
💭 Therapy moment: “What if someone needs freshness?”
She can’t rest. Not when there’s brunch to save, oysters to match, or someone somewhere who needs a crisp white to cut through the chaos.
Sauvignon Blanc is sharp — in wit, in acid, in presence. But that precision comes at a cost. She’s always “on.” Always performing. She brings freshness, clarity, lift — but ask her how she feels?
She’ll dodge the question with a smile and a sprig of basil.
Because deep down, she’s scared that if she stops being refreshing, she stops being enough.
She’s green apple anxiety. She’s citrus under pressure. And she’d rather be exhausted than ever disappoint.
Chardonnay – The Spa Seeker
Origin: France
Popular Regions: Burgundy (Chablis, Meursault), Napa Valley, Sonoma, Margaret River (Australia), South Africa
Style: Varies from crisp and mineral (unoaked) to buttery and rich (oak-aged) — the shapeshifter of white wine
💭 Therapy moment: “I just want to be taken seriously… and maybe a nap.”
She’s tired. Not tired in a dramatic way — just quietly, bone-deep done with everyone’s opinions.
Too buttery? Too basic? Too old-school? Chardonnay has heard it all.
But the truth is: she’s versatile AF. She can be Chablis-cool and steely or California-bold with vanilla and spice. She’s played every role — the minimalist, the maximalist, the muse. But none of them feel like her anymore.
She doesn’t want to prove she’s relevant. She doesn’t want to reinvent. She just wants to be — soft, serious, soaked in a little French oak, wearing a robe and not explaining herself.
She’s elegance with edges. Texture with patience. Let her rest.
Pinot Noir – The Empath
Origin: Burgundy, France
Popular Regions: Côte d'Or (France); Willamette Valley (Oregon); Sonoma Coast; Central Otago (New Zealand); Germany (Spätburgunder)
Style: Light to medium-bodied red with delicate tannins and expressive notes of red berries, earth, and emotion
💭 Therapy moment: “Why does everything affect you so deeply?”
Because she feels everything. Pinot Noir is sensitive — to weather, to soil, to mood. She’s thin-skinned, literally and metaphorically.
She thrives in cool climates, but even then — too much rain? She’s overwhelmed. Too much sun? She shuts down. And still, when she gets it right… it’s magic.
She doesn’t just reflect terroir — she absorbs it. Every heartbreak, every whispered word, every vintage. Some call her a diva. Some call her fragile. But she’s just honest.
You don’t sip Pinot Noir. You listen to her.
Cabernet Sauvignon – The Guarded One
Origin: Bordeaux, France
Popular Regions: Napa Valley (USA); Bordeaux (Left Bank); Coonawarra (Australia); Chile
Style: Full-bodied, tannic red with notes of blackcurrant, cedar, and quiet intensity
💭 Therapy moment: “Do you ever let anyone in?”
Cab is strength in a glass. Structure. Backbone. Leadership. He shows up with confidence, speaks in tannin, and lets his oak do the talking.
But softness? Vulnerability? That’s for Merlot, right?
Cabernet Sauvignon has been holding the world together for decades — through Bordeaux blends, Napa cult status, steak dinners. He’s the wine equivalent of emotional armor.
But what if he let the mask slip — just once?
He’s not just power. He’s pain. He’s complexity. He’s the long finish after everyone’s left the table.
Let him breathe.
Malbec – The Survivor
Origin: France (Cahors), but made iconic in Argentina
Popular Regions: Mendoza (Argentina); Cahors (France); Salta (Argentina)
Style: Deep, bold red with flavors of blackberry, plum, smoke, and spice
💭 Therapy moment: “Why don’t you trust easily?”
Because he’s been left behind before. In France, he was once part of Bordeaux blends, but never the favorite. Then came Mendoza — high altitudes, cold nights, volcanic soil. He flourished. He found himself.
Malbec doesn’t open up on the first sip. You need to give him air, patience, maybe steak. But when he does open? He pours with power, softness, survival.
He’s the story of reinvention. A grape that learned to grow where others said he wouldn’t. He’s not trying to impress you. He’s just trying to be safe.
Let him be bold. Let him breathe.
Merlot – The Overlooked Middle Child
Origin: Bordeaux, France
Popular Regions: Right Bank Bordeaux (Pomerol, Saint-Émilion); Napa Valley; Washington State; Chile
Style: Soft, medium-bodied red with plum, cherry, cocoa, and velvet vibes
💭 Therapy moment: “Why do you always feel like second place?”
Because she’s always compared. Always doubted. Always asked to explain herself — especially next to Cabernet.
Merlot is round, approachable, warm — the one who wants to connect. But thanks to pop culture digs and poor handling, she became the punchline.
Still, she shows up. In blends. In quiet pours. In that one bottle that made you feel like wine wasn’t so scary.
She’s not flashy. She’s not loud. But she’s deep in her own way. She’s not Cabernet’s understudy — she’s her own story.
Stop asking her to be bolder. Start noticing how she lingers.
Tempranillo – The Stoic
Origin: Spain
Popular Regions: Rioja, Ribera del Duero, Toro (Spain); Alentejo (Portugal, as Aragonez)
Style: Medium to full-bodied red with notes of cherry, leather, tobacco, and dusty spice
💭 Therapy moment: “How do you process emotions?”
Slowly. In barrels. With time. Tempranillo doesn’t rush. He needs aging, structure, and tradition. He’s not a talker — but every sip tells a story, if you’re willing to wait for it.
He was raised to age. In silence. In the shadows of Spanish cellars. In Rioja, where wines are classified not just by origin but by patience — Crianza, Reserva, Gran Reserva. The longer he’s held, the more he says.
He doesn’t perform. He doesn’t persuade. But he holds space. Space for history, for family tables, for slow-cooked meals and slow-spoken truths.
He’s not cold — he’s composed.
Let him be slow. Let him be serious.
Sangiovese – The Legacy Carrier
Origin: Italy
Popular Regions: Tuscany (Chianti, Brunello di Montalcino, Vino Nobile); Umbria; Romagna
Style: Medium-bodied, high-acid red with flavors of sour cherry, herbs, and dusty earth
💭 Therapy moment: “Do you ever feel pressure to represent where you’re from?”
Chianti. Brunello. Rosso. She’s like seven grandmothers in one grape.
Sangiovese isn’t just a wine. She’s a cultural archive. She carries the weight of Italian identity — holiday tables, sacred sauces, centuries of tradition. She’s been expected to do it all: age beautifully, taste rustic and refined, hold her acid, never lose her charm.
Every region asks her to be something slightly different — but always perfect.
She’s not flashy. She’s not trendy. She’s history with a heartbeat.
Let her lead. She’s earned it.
Shiraz – The One Who’s “Too Much” (But Isn’t)
Origin: France (Syrah); reimagined in Australia as Shiraz
Popular Regions: Barossa Valley, McLaren Vale (Australia); Rhône Valley (France, as Syrah); South Africa
Style: Bold, spicy red with notes of blackberry, black pepper, and smoke
💭 Therapy moment: “What’s something you wish people understood?”
“I’m not too much. You’re just not ready.”
He enters with presence — loud, lush, layered. Shiraz is the storm after the stillness, the spice in the silence. But people flinch. Call him “too much.” Too loud. Too dark. Too… intense.
But he’s not trying to overwhelm — he’s trying to express.
He’s firewood and fig. Thunder and velvet. He’s been told to dial it down, round off the edges, make himself more “marketable.”
He’s done with that.
He’s not chaos — he’s clarity, delivered with impact. So don’t sip Shiraz expecting softness. Sip him if you want truth with tannin.
He’s not too much. You’re just not ready.
Even Grapes Have Feelings
They’re more than just varietals — they’re mirrors. Of us. Of pressure, complexity, expectation, and care.
So next time you sip a glass, pause. Breathe. Ask who that wine had to become to get here.
Because some wines are bold. Some are soft. Some are guarded. And some just want to be understood.
